


The Modern Scandal of Love and Faulty Orbits

by silasfinch



Category: Dickinson (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Developing Relationship, F/F, Family Drama, Family Issues, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Love Letters, Love Poems, Pandemics, Poetry, Unrequited Love, YouTube
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 12:07:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29791674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silasfinch/pseuds/silasfinch
Summary: Emily Dickinson is an accidental celebrity poet online.Lockdown and COVID-19 Restrictions suit her tendencies well.Living with her sister- in- law Sue, who she loves desperately, is a familiar beautiful pain.Secret love letters become public.
Relationships: Austin Dickinson/Susan Gilbert Dickinson, Emily Dickinson/Susan Gilbert Dickinson
Comments: 7
Kudos: 56





	The Modern Scandal of Love and Faulty Orbits

**Author's Note:**

> It's my birthday in lockdown, celebrating by writing in a new fandom.  
> I am dyslexic, please be gentle with comments.

_“Hope” is the thing with feathers -_

_That perches in the soul -_

_And sings the tune without the words -_

_And never stops - at all -_

_And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard -_

_And sore must be the storm -_

_That could abash the little Bird_

_That kept so many warm -_

_I’ve heard it in the chillest land -_

_And on the strangest Sea -_

_Yet - never - in Extremity,_

_It asked a crumb - of me."_

Emily Dickinson - Hope is a thing with feathers 

Falling in love with her sister in law is the latest in a long time of mistakes.

The simple truth is that Emily Elizabeth Dickinson began life as an oddity and remains, so she turns 21. The proverbial black sheep, if she didn't hate such lazy use of language. The Dickinson’s accept their oldest daughter, even if they are still grumbling about her choice of an impractical degree and hermit-like qualities. There are degrees of rejection and Emily’s knows that hers barely qualifies in practice.

Emily Dickinson is familiar with the inner pressure of disappointing herself and others; it is almost like a ghost or shade that haunts her every moment, waking and sleeping. The emotional baggage haunts her by degrees, sometimes lighter and other times heavy. The Dickinson family is a proud one, full of people that take pride in the name and the business that makes it successful. Having the oldest daughter prefers building fantastical words rather than living in this one is a foreign concept to her father and brother. Her only reprieve from her acting role comes when she plays with language and strings words together to create scenes. It is through this passionate obsession that she develops something of an accidental falling. 

In yet more proof of her strangeness, Emily admits that she has the temperament to suit and even prefer long-distance learning. The new rules and regulations disrupt her life and overall planning minimally. It is so satisfying to set up a study space in the corner of her room, laptop and mounts of books. The light is perfect in both her primary area and other writing spaces in their ancestral home. Nobody is busting into her sanctuary; she goes to this or that party or social event. 

Austin and Vinnie are struggling with the restrictions of COVID-19 in different ways; they are both social people by nature and enjoy large gatherings. However, their father is a prominent member of the community and a lawyer. He will not hear of his children violating the rules in any sense, even if the offspring in questions are adults. The Amherst and Evergreen properties are spacious enough to shelter the large extended family, including the newlyweds. Emily enjoys the excuse to concentrate on her school work and weave poetry. She and Sue are circling each other so awkwardly now, like planets on poorly timed orbits. 

The change on a global scale serves as something of a muse; snippets and snatches of poems come to her constantly, her tutors need to remind her to take breaks gently. She creates the online blog ' **Snippits and Snatches with Emily** ' as an outlet without expecting much of a following, especially after editors reject her latest publication efforts. To everybody surprise, her work resonates with the many people also stuck at home; the blog almost accidentally starts making money. Emily wants to spend the income on pretty gifts for Sue, but ops to save it for tuition fees. 

_"Emily, I am so proud of you. Your words are reaching so many people and just in time. This world needs the comfort that your light and creativity can bring. It's like a soothing blanket and the fires of motivation all at once._ " Sue's text after she publishes the first blog to make this entire situation worthwhile. 

SueG is her first subscriber and reviewer, though in carefully neutral and thoughtful tones. 

SueG is the first to share her words on social media and encourage others to join. 

SueG is the first to sign up for Emily's first live reading and stay even though Emily is too nervous about getting a word out. 

SueG works to curate her first collection for an online poetry contest, even though Emily is finding excuses not to submit. 

Emily tries to forget that 'SueG' represents Susan Gilbert Dickinson, her sister-in-law, and her brother's wife. 

***

**Theme and Tone**

Emily cannot quite put her anger at Sue Gilbert Dickinson on a scale. 

The idea of her best friend choosing to marry her brother and abandon their 'youthful passions' burns like a hot knife wound, but the intensity was unsustainable. Now that the family is in this strange new routine and Sue seems, for the most part, genuinely happy. Emily knows more than most Sue's deep desire for security and safety after losing her family so young. Emily is full of wild adventures and plans to elope and tour the capitals of Europe, but there is nothing firm in these ideas. Sue got tired of waiting. 

Emily Dickinson is self-aware enough and gone to enough therapy to know that she is not the easiest person to get along with, much less love. Her relationship with herself is combative enough, let alone trying to juggle the feelings of another person. It is too easy for her to get lost and see where words and imagination will take her; everything else seems weak and pale in comparison. She didn't dare to say that Sue is at the centre of all her many creations. 

_"Running away together and living on love and the budget of starving artists is only attractive in the movies Emily, how are you we going to pay our students debts, affordable housing in the 'creative hubs'?" Sue asks, waving an overdue around_

_"Being your only reader is a lonely experience, Em. The weight of those words and ideas can be crushing. You mock people for caring about the Kardashians or that latest supernatural romance, with no form or substance. Sometimes people need more than trying to solve the world's great mysteries." Sue pleads with her one day._

" _Are you willing to love me in ordinary ways too, Emily? Divide chores, haggle with bill companies, cook dinner and remember to eat it? Can you ever contemplate such an average?" Sue isn't trying to be cruel, but the words still sting._

_"Austin is second to you in every way, Emily, except the fact he is willing to have a relationship with me that is official and real, not simply a byproduct of a writing frenzy. He doesn't find pretty words, but he doesn't hide behind words either._

Emily cannot claim they have broken up' for they were never truly together in the first place, not in. any official way. However, Emily will never measure such things as her sister, with photos and hashtags or screaming arguments. Her ability to pursue Sue of their grand adventures as writers become less. Her friend and sometimes lover began looking for different things were Emily could not follow. It was almost as if they began speaking other languages without the benefit of decent translation or even Google. 

***

**Form and Style**

There would be no one else for Emily, not in her lifetime. 

Vinnie continually rolls her eyes at such a dramatic belief. Her younger sister is finishing her last year of high school and has a new boyfriend or potential love affair every few months. She couldn't be more different from Emily if there were a mix up at birth. Only a few unfortunate Dickinson and Newcross genetics ensure that there is no such mistake. 

Sometimes Emily can and does use her reputation as they family eccentric to her advantage. Everybody is willing enough to believe that Emily is jealous and feels a certain rivalry towards her brother, but the extent of the connection remains unknown. Their romantic relationship remains a secret largely because Emily doesn't want to share anything with the world at large, including her deepest feelings. She fakes a headache on the wedding day, her parents and brother are furious, but Sue insists that everyone leave her alone. 

_"Thank you for not saying any of the thousand things I know are competing for attention in your head. Austin will make me happy, Em, if that is any form of consolation for you. The heights that you imagine aren't for me. I promise not to tag you in any of the cheesy hashtags and photos."_ Sue plants a gentle kiss on Emily's cheek, smelling of expense shampoo. 

Emily Elizabeth Dickinson's sensible thing to do on her brother's wedding day is to suck it up and by a president on the registry before smiling graciously. Failing that she should call her therapist and demand an energy appointment, almost against Emily's will, they are making progress; she is at least sleeping better and confining her writing to sensible hours. Emily counts it as a minor victor that she doesn't destroy anything of value. 

Instead, she writes and rewrites the vows she would say to Sue if she were at the alter that day instead of her brother. She types and notes by hand depending on her mood, the words and metaphors flow, and enough words for twenty wedding ceremonies. Emily can almost imagine Sue's beaming smile as she recounts her favourite poem. Nobody else will ever hear these words, but there is still a level of victory in speaking out loud and letting them float away. Her therapist will approve. 

" _Sue, you have been my best friend since we were young enough to know the term properly; I have loved you just about as long. Wherever our dreams take us, we will be stronger and better together. You are the light that brings constant joys to my life. I love you, and my proudest day is being able to call you my wife." Emily can almost feel the words sink into her bones._

*******

**Meter and Rhyme**

Their interactions that straddle the line between platonic and romantic do not make Emily feel guilty. 

Susan Gilbert Dickinson takes most things seriously, including her wedding vows. She wants to build a life with her husband and become a teacher inspiring the next generation of learners. Even if Sue was willing to extend their previous closeness, finding the time proves different. Especially when coming to grips with both a new home in Evergreens and the rigours of online teaching. Emily does her best to support everyone in the family who adjust to a new way of life. 

_"It is odd having you all under one roof again. At least your father and Austin can practice law remotely. Though Edward was so looking forward to showing off his son and the next line of Dickinson Lawyers."_ her mother laments. 

Their entire rhythm and rhyme reshape themselves around these two new realities. Emily still values Sue's insights as both a reader and a gentle critique. Texting becomes an entirely private universe for them both. The strange truth is, there is nothing in particular to hide. Everybody knows that Emily and Sue are close; they are practically a pair. All the Dickinson’s encourage friendship for their eccentric poet. 

_"It's so wonderful that you and Sue made peace. It is difficult for her with Austin negotiating meetings in eight different time zones and studying for the bar exam. Sue needs the familiar comforts of her oldest friend."_ her father comments one day. 

Emily feels the pressure of her family and feelings, and both make her fiendishly productive. Sue barely has time to respond to one email when a text message arrives. Emily finds she likes the challenge of convening her poems to the text or social media format; when there are such limits, it forces a certain clarity level. It becomes a challenge to use fewer and fewer words. There are lines that Sue won't cross, but she will always offer a critique about the latest poem or stanza, no matter how incomplete. 

*******

**Punctuation and Syntax**

Emily knows their state of relative peace is unsustainable in the long term. 

Her parents delight in welcoming Sue to the family officially and eagerly await the next generation's arrival. Such things aren't said out loud, but Emily knows that there was considerable concern about Austin finding his feet, with his knack for unsuitable love affairs with older women. The hope is that sensible Sue will be a stabilising influence. Only Emily knows that her best friend is not entirely down to earth, at least as much as everybody claims. 

"That great writer is willing to emerge from her cave and abandon her legions of online fans for the sake of family." Austin teases. 

"Hush now, Austin, your sister is doing well with something she loves." their father insists. 

Emily forces a smile, trying to reconcile herself to the unfamiliar feeling of parental approval. Her life as a student and now an online poet is rewarding, but there is something about having a new dynamic within this household that makes a difference. Sue's interactions may be stilted and painfully awkward, but things slowly improve with her family members. She would trade all the arguments and tension for those idyllic days with Sue, but this new feeling is something of compensation. 

"Your views have been great for the last two videos, Emily. People love your latest videos." Vinnie comments as she piles potatoes onto her plate. 

"I may need to write another the last stanza wasn't right." 

Emily musters a more genuine smile for her sister. Somehow the Dickison sisters are bonding over the intricacies of social media and building an online presence. Vinnie delights in discussing strategies and outputs to become an 'influencer.' Emily is highly ambivalent about the prospect but is nice not to scream and snip at each other over little things. Vinnie is constantly coming up with new ideas for the photo gallery or calendar events. 

"Sue, tell us about your plans for Evergreen; there must be many things you can do while in lockdown? Even if it is just building colour schemes." Emily looks at Sue for the first time that evening. 

The conversational pivot is awkward and clumsy, but nobody seems to notice. Sue straightens and obligingly answers the question before expanding on the particular floor plans and outlines. Austin contributes little, but he is beaming at Sue. The Dickinson’s are unusual in these parts for preferring intergenerational living, but it puts them ahead of the pandemic game. There was no question that Austin and Sue will build on the land beside his childhood home. 

*******

**Dictation**

The COVID-19 pandemic has broad shoulders and can take the blame for many things. 

Her online moderators are working overtime to keep up with the demand for new content. Emily has no problem producing the poems, but keeping them all straight and for people to publish proves to be the sticking point. She often finishes pieces at odd hours with odder themes that she doesn't bother to translate. Her web presence is a mixture of a blog and YouTube reading. The pandemic means an increased demand for live streams and 'Evenings with Scribbles and Snatches.' Somehow Emily manages to overcome her stage freight with Sue's encouragement. There is something of a schedule, both as a student and a celebrity poet. 

Evie is patient with her and can usually untangle what Emily means without too much trouble or frustration. She is an equal poetry nerd, so for the most, her online friend considers herself something of a detective looking for clues. Occasionally things fall through the cracks. The file where she keeps all her poems specifically about Sue, their relationship and under the ambiguous heading of 'Stella.' Evie takes that one for uploading instead of the one for 'Stars.'. Emily finds the oversight deeply mortifying, but it does motivate her to improve her filing system and planning. 

" _I'm sorry, it was an honest mistake." Emily sends the almost frantic text._

_"I'll take down the last two, I promise. Nobody will read them." Emily's hands shake badly, but it still sends._

Emily has a vague hope that Sue won't even see the latest batch of poems, still too caught up in her world or teaching or newlywed bliss, but it is not a realistic possibility. For all the changes their relationship has gone through. Sue remains one of the biggest supporters and her potential life as a writer. Her sister in law has several alerts; the poems will be in her inbox. Sue will be one of the first readers; she will be reading each of the details in real-time. Emily can practically feel the judgement. 

The poems and snatches are ambiguous to most people, repeating many of the themes she is becoming known for, except for the references to a particular person. It is Sue and the members of their household who will notice specific details or snatches of pervious and intense conversations. Sue will recognise their imagined life together, the hopes and dreams they used to share on the long walks. 

***

"What the hell have you done Emily?" 

In the abstract, Emily Dickinson spends plenty of time worrying about her brother's confrontation about their mutual love for his wife. She may not get on with Austin, but he is her sibling, and she doesn't enjoy the thought of causing him deliberate pain and humiliation. Living in this state of flux, never kissing or touching Sue again while being her 'passionate friend' is better than causing an open rift, not with their parents in ill health. All hope of such a peaceful state dies when her brother storms into the room, his dark eyes flashing. Normally Emily would have no trouble meeting Austin with equal temper, yelling and swearing. However, on this particular point, Emily's faithful index of words melts like snow in the sun. 

"I never meant for the file to be uploaded; it was an honest mistake on the part of the moderator for my site. Nobody is going to remember the collection in a few weeks...there is no reason to suspect." Emily begins lamely. 

Emily trails off helpless and lets her brother continue to glower in growing rage. Abstractly Emily fears that he is waving around for his expensive phone as if it is both the proof and the cause of all his worst nightmares. Their family will be angry if he breaks yet another piece of electronics. She can barely see the website colour scheme that she spent so long choosing, but the glimpse is enough. 

"How small do you think our friend group is? Directing your love poems to 'Stella' is hardly a clever cypher when everyone knows your fascination with death, the sky and all things metaphor. People without the slightest interest in literature could make the deduction. It's racking up clicks, views, an comments by the second." Austin fumes stalking closer to his sister. 

"You are overestimating people's desire to solve the 'mystery'; I have plenty of recurrent themes in my work, none of them is up for review by people in the English Department or scholars in general. Poetry fans are seeking the art, not the answer." Emily tries to reason, feeling the tears prick her eyes. 

"How could you be so selfish and disruptive? Sue and I are trying to build our lives together under different circumstances; the family business is feeling the pressure during the pandemic, Vinnie is figuring her way. Of course, Emily, the great poet, needed to circle the drama back to her." Austin waves his arms drastically. 

"It is _you_ who is selfish, Austin. My feelings for Sue were practically in a neon sign above my head; half the town knew of it, certainly everybody in school. You were and are the most popular guy for miles; you _knew_ what such news would mean for me, yet here we are." Emily whispers, her voice shaking with anger. 

"I didn't steal your favourite toy, Emily. Sue has every choice in who she spends the rest of her life with; some people need more than words and castles in the air. Bills, taxes and daily routine may be boring to you, but some people crave a life of certainty. We have at least ten days here together, please take down and retract the pages, for the sake of family peace." Austin sounds almost sympathetic, which makes things worse. 

"Will you tell her, I'm sorry?" Emily swallows her pride in desperation. 

"There is no need to use your brother as a go-between Emily, thank you for your message. The poems are beautiful, but you are right about the last two being out of sequence." Sue enters the room; her voice calm. 

Emily feels the words like a physical blow. Sue may as well be the first 6 or 7 faceless reviewers that torn her first poetry offerings into threads. Sue keeps all her focus on Austan, offering words of reassurance and commitment. Emily watches the interactions as if she is an observer or outsider watching a play. 

For once, she has no words either to make the situation better or worse. 


End file.
